In this post, I share my story, on the mental health challenges I faced as a student unmasking the athlete, from performance anxiety to burnout and identity struggles and how positive psychology helped me embrace my true self. I’ll also talk about how my focus on mindfulness, art, and spirituality helped me integrate my self.
A few weeks ago, I received a message that I was not expecting —my high school was honoring me by inducting me into their Hall of Fame for Women’s Basketball. The recognition was for a legacy I didn’t even realize I was building. I had to laugh! The thing I had intentionally put to rest had resurfaced in a way that honored my younger self’s healing journey and resilience.
Early Beginnings: Born to Be an Athlete
I remember when I was first introduced to basketball; I was just a kid playing around with a ball. I ran after soccer dreams, imagining I would be the next Mia Hamm or Brianna Scurry. That was my first love—soccer. But as I grew taller, life and sports took me in a different direction. My journey with basketball didn’t start with a passion for the game. It’s almost hard to believe now, but I didn’t envision it myself.
By the 8th grade, I towered over most kids at 5’11”. So, basketball became the natural path. I joined an AAU team, and that’s when my coach, like many others later, recognized my athletic potential long before I did. With sneakers on, I was tall—6 feet, 1 inch by my senior year of high school—and everyone thought I was made for basketball. I thought my height alone would make me great, but I was not technically skilled. Still, it didn’t take long for me to improve, especially when I realized I had the potential to be exell. By 8th grade, I played for the Lady Panthers and made the varsity high school women’s basketball team as a freshman. Even though my name was attached to achievements and stats, I felt disconnected.
Student Athlete: Balancing Identity
As my high school career progressed, basketball became all-consuming. On the outside, I was a standout player. I was leading my team to one of their best seasons in years and becoming the top scorer. But internally, I was struggling with much more than I realized at the time.
I was uncertain about my queer identity, hiding parts of myself at home and within my religious community. I felt overburdened with the family business; dividing my time and energy was difficult, and I felt emotionally isolated. The numbing pressure of living up to expectations as a Black woman and student-athlete was burdensome. I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted. I was excelling at a game I hadn’t even chosen while suppressing so much of my authentic self.
At this point, basketball wasn’t just a game—it was a way of life, and I felt trapped in it. It was like a contract I had signed but didn’t understand. I was praised for my height, potential, and presence on the court. But on the inside, I was crumbling. No one could see how much I was struggling.
Like many African American women in sports, I was navigating the intersection of race, gender, academic intellect, and athletic performance. The expectations to be physically dominant and emotionally resilient are common in our stories. Research shows that African American women in sports frequently face unique pressures due to racial and gendered stereotypes, which can heighten performance anxiety and identity struggles (Rankin-Wright, Hylton, & Norman, 2017). These expectations weighed heavily on me, and it was exhausting to keep pushing forward. I did not have the space to see who I authentically was, so I became what everyone else saw in me.
Mental Health Challenges: An Athlete to Fear
As I navigated my own athletic journey, I found that mental health challenges were often unspoken in sports, especially for African American women athletes. Performance anxiety, burnout, and identity struggles are not uncommon experiences for athletes, but African American women usually face unique pressures rooted in both race and gender (Carter-Francique & Richardson, 2016). The expectation to be physically strong and emotionally resilient left little room for vulnerability. The pressure to perform at high levels and meet external expectations can lead to increased feelings of anxiety, perfectionism, depression, and exhaustion (Beamon, 2010).
For athletes like me, the weight of stereotypical assumptions about physical dominance or strength exacerbates these mental health challenges. Research shows that African American women athletes are frequently subjected to stereotypes, such as being seen as naturally “strong” or “aggressive.” At the same time, their emotional and psychological needs are often dismissed (Carter-Francique, 2013). In my own experience, this dynamic led to a disconnection from my true self. It contributed to the resentment I felt toward basketball, my body, and my future.
Building of the Mask: Protect Your Image or Suffer
As an athlete, I was repeatedly told that “basketball would be my ticket to college,” and while that sounded logical, it also meant I’d have to keep playing, no matter how disconnected I felt. The external expectation to use athleticism as a way out or as a path to success creates an unsustainable dynamic that leads to perfectionism. I felt the need to prove myself in every way possible—academically, athletically, and personally.
Basketball became a strange paradox—a source of validation and a reminder of my disconnection from myself. The perfectionist mindset became my shield. It helped me mask the emotional turmoil I was feeling. The more I succeeded, the more I could distract myself from the internal wounds and challenges. I started considering drastic ways to escape my internal battles; I would think, “What if I hurt myself and couldn’t play anymore?”
The pressure of expectations, both from the outside world and within myself, became suffocating. I felt like I was living two lives—one on the court, where I performed as expected, and the other in my head, where I constantly questioned how long I could keep going.
Unmasking the Athlete Through the Game of Burnout
My senior year of high school I got a full scholarship to play basketball at the D1 level. By the time I graduated and moved away to start playing in college, I was utterly burnt out. Practices, games, lifting, physical therapy, and the various demands of being a student-athlete were overwhelming. I struggled to recognize the difference between “being consistent and going hard at every practice because I believed and was told that I couldn’t be “lazy.” With the wisdom I have now, I recognized that “laziness” was burnout disguised. I wasn’t lazy—I was profoundly fatigued and depressed.
Being an undiagnosed autistic/ADHD student-athlete made things more challenging. I had no idea why the sensory overload of the game bothered me so much, why I hated the feeling of sweat, the loud noises, or being in 3 -5 hour practices. I was masking my discomfort because I thought that’s what it meant to be “okay.” Research now shows how neurodivergent athletes often struggle in environments that don’t accommodate their needs, leading to higher rates of burnout and emotional exhaustion (Arnold & Fletcher, 2021). But I kept playing back then, thinking I had no choice but to graduate.
Choosing My Freedom: Unmasking the Athlete Through My Creativity
After graduating in 2016, I decided to leave basketball entirely. The thought of playing another game was unbearable, so I quit everything connected to the sport. I stopped working out, stopped going to physical therapy, and, most importantly, stopped defining myself by my athletic achievements. I redirected my focus inward toward psychology and art therapy. Yoga, meditation, and walks became my new forms of grounding, allowing me to reconnect with myself in a way that basketball never had.
Art became my new form of expression. It allowed me to reconnect with parts I had suppressed for years. I learned to value my creativity as a healing practice and a way to process the emotions I had carried for so long. Positive psychology, which focuses on strengths and resilience, played a significant role in this transition. It helped me see that I didn’t have to be defined by my athletic performance but by my capacity for growth and self-compassion (Seligman & Csikszentmihalyi, 2014).
Unmasking the Athlete Throughout Spirituality and Healing
Part of my healing journey has also been reconnecting with my spirituality. Before, I needed clarification about religion and spirituality. I later realized that spirituality wasn’t about praying to win a game—it was about finding deeper meaning in the movements, the mindfulness that comes with practice, and the meditative nature of being present. I found that connection through yoga and meditation.
Many athletes talk about being “in the zone,” where their body and mind are perfectly aligned and in sync. Instead of reaching this flow state on the court, I found it through creative and mindful practices. Art, yoga, and meditation allowed me to align my purpose, passions, and gifts into one accord—it was about coming home to myself. My healing was about finding peace in my body, mind, and soul.
Spirituality in sports has been shown to help athletes develop resilience and well-being, allowing them to navigate performance pressures with a more profound sense of purpose (Gardner, Collins, & Magee, 2017). For me, leaving basketball was the ultimate spiritual and emotional freedom.
Coming Full Circle: Reflecting on My Authenticity
Basketball was once my only way to freedom, but today, I know freedom was never confined to the court. By integrating my younger self and embracing my current identity, I’ve aligned my purpose, passions, and gifts into one accord.
My well-being is now the largest foundation in my life. In my art, and when I create, I fel whole. I don’t need validation from anyone else because I am firmly holding hands with my younger self, honoring all the parts of me that fought to disappear amidst the chaos of my reality.
Healing in Sports Looks Different for Every Athlete
This Hall of Fame induction is a testament to my resilience and the complexity of my journey. It’s not just about the points scored, or games won—it’s about navigating identity, expectations, and emotional survival between the ages of 8 and 22. To that young girl who once saw basketball as her only way to receive further education, you deserve this recognition. Remain grounded in the power of creativity, self-acceptance, and the beauty of living authentically.
Healing in sports isn’t one-size-fits-all. Every athlete’s journey is different, especially when navigating the weight of expectations, both on and off the field. For many, especially African American women, the pressure to be enough, strong, and resilient can mask the deeper emotional and mental struggles we face.
In my experience as a queer, autistic, African athlete, I didn’t have the space to fully acknowledge the depression and anxiety I was dealing with. We rarely get the chance to acknowledge and admit that we’re struggling because our mask is justified by the community we surround ourselves with.
True healing often means redefining success—not by wins or statistics, but by finding balance, inner peace, and self-acceptance. It’s about learning to listen to our bodies and minds and recognizing when to step away to protect our well-being. For some, that healing comes from embracing the flow of the game itself, while for others, it’s about stepping away to find space for self-reflection, creativity, or mindfulness.
For me, stepping away from basketball and reconnecting with art and mindfulness was the key to healing. It allowed me to release the pressure of perfectionism and rebuild my identity on my own terms.
As we celebrate athletic excellence, we must also recognize the importance of mental and emotional well-being. Prioritizing mental health in sports can be life-changing and even life-saving. So, if you’re an athlete—remember that your mental health matters as much as your physical strength. Take the time to care for yourself.
It is okay to ask for help.
At Intentional Simplicity, we provide mental health and well-being resources to support your journey to wholeness. Whether you’re seeking mindfulness practices, creative outlets, or holistic wellness strategies, we are here to help. You don’t have to navigate these challenges alone. Explore our resources and find support that meets your needs.
Athletes need to have access to mental health resources, support systems, and a culture that encourages open conversations about mental well-being. Only then can we create a more holistic approach to athletic success that champions mental health as much as physical achievement.
Schedule a free consultation today to explore ways to start healing and take charge of your mental wellness.
Unmasking the Athlete: References
Arnold, R., & Fletcher, D. (2021). Neurodiversity in elite sport: Exploring its prevalence and impact. Journal of Applied Sport Psychology, 33(4), 453-471. https://doi.org/10.1080/10413200.2021.1883624
Beamon, K. (2010). “Used Goods”: Former African American college student-athletes perception of exploitation by Division I universities. The Journal of Negro Education, 79(3), 352-364.
Carter-Francique, A. R., & Richardson, F. M. (2016). Black female athletes and the promotion of health: Struggles and opportunities. Race, Gender & Class, 23(3-4), 40-57.
Gardner, F., Collins, D., & Magee, C. (2017). The relationship between spirituality, resilience, and mental health in sport. Journal of Sport and Exercise Psychology, 39(2), 113-125. https://doi.org/10.1123/jsep.2016-0272
Rankin-Wright, A. J., Hylton, K., & Norman, L. (2017). Off-color: Black women coaches and the intersection of race and gender in sport. Sport, Education and Society, 22(6), 657-669. https://doi.org/10.1080/13573322.2015.1085201
Seligman, M. E. P., & Csikszentmihalyi, M. (2014). Positive psychology: An introduction. American Psychologist, 55(1), 5-14. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.55.1.5
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